Boku no yume no naka de
by Yui Miyamoto
Summary: Ryuichi had always been looking for his dream person and finally, he finds what had sought after for 15 years.


Disclaimer: All of Gravitation belongs to Maki Murakami and Sony Productions. Some of manga vol. 3 was used...  
  
  
In a ballad I made in high school, I sang,   
"In my dreams,   
I touched you  
but there was nothing  
To touch  
In the first place..."  
  
Boku no Yume no Naka De. (Inside my dreams.)  
by Yui Miyamoto  
  
Inside my dream, my eyes were closed. And I couldn't open them. If I did, they were blurry.  
"Ryuichi? Ryuichi?" the soft voice repeated my name over and over.  
Reaching out to the silhouette in front of me, I reached out of the water's surface.  
I was able to breathe in the water, but the frigid air touching my hand made me bring it back in.  
"Ryuichi?" the voice again called. "Ryuichi?"  
And suddenly, I began to cry. I wanted so much to touch and catch the silhouette in front of me. "Why can't I see you? Why can't you grab my hand?"  
Trying with all my might, I swam to the surface. Upon reaching the surface, the person kissed my head and answered, "We can't meet yet, Ryuichi."  
"Why?" I asked.  
  
I abruptly got out of bed. "I woke myself up again."  
Scratching my head in frustration, I was so confused as to what all that meant.   
Being light-hearted as always, I ignored it. "Whatever."  
  
I had turned fifteen a few weeks ago, but when I saw Touma at our high school, he told me that his friend's little brother was born.  
  
I don't know why I remembered that.  
  
  
Years later...  
Again, I lay inside the disarray of blankets. I had had one of THOSE dreams again. And this time...  
  
"Ryuichi? Do you love me?" the voice had said.  
I was surrounded by nothing but blackness, and yet this voice protruded in the deep silence.  
Confused, I looked around aimlessly. Groping for anything, I began to grow more and more impatient.  
"Ryuichi? Do you love me?" the person asked once again.  
"Yes!" I shouted in frustration. "I've never seen you, but I've loved you all these years!!!"  
  
Again, I had woken up with my sheets in all different directions. Only with this dream and that certain voice did I sleep like a maniac whose blankets were taken away by a windstorm.   
Maybe.  
That's the way I always felt after dreams like these.  
  
But I had never told anyone about them. They were too embarrassing if you asked me.   
I mean come on. Realistically speaking, being in love with someone whose face I haven't even seen but only their voice? That's very, very absurd. Even more than having a pink bunny with you all the time?  
I smiled to myself. "But you're my bunny!"  
  
So, through the years, I resorted to buying dictionaries in my own personal reading collection. When I found free time, that's when I read the interpretations to my dreams.  
Some didn't make any sense at all, but made sense if I really tried hard to apply them to the way I thought and felt inside.  
  
Getting up from bed, I patted Kumagorou on the head. "Right?"  
He nodded his head at me. "Right, Ryuichi!"  
I nodded my head in agreement. "Yes, it's really weird."  
I wanted to read what my dream meant, but I rushed through my morning to run to the television to perform with the new talent called 'Bad Luck.'  
"Must have talent if Touma seems to like them so much." I said to myself while walking into the building. Smiling, I continued, "Touma and his whims..."  
  
But after the show, I was so happy! Shuichi-kun was so awesome! I wanted to sing with him again.   
He is a very interesting person...then again, he looks like my twin!   
I laughed to myself.  
  
"So, how do you like them?" Touma said as I entered his private bar. "They're cool." I nodded while holding up a victory sign. "They're really addicting. Especially the singer. Shuichi-kun is fun."  
But growing a little dizzy, I stumbled to the seat next to Touma. "Can I take a nap first?"  
"Sure, why not?"  
  
I was directed into one of the guest bedrooms and slowly, I plopped myself on the cold, yet soft comfortable bed.  
Still smiling and not having this much fun for a long time, I commented again to myself, "That was so fun!"  
But I turned to my side. I was still confused about the whole dream thing.  
"I've been dreaming about this since I was 15. And it won't go away." Closing my eyes, I responded to myself, "I'm 31 already..."  
  
"Ryuichi? Ryuichi?"  
Again, the voice was calling me. But this time, there was a crowd of people in the sidewalk.   
I looked around lost in the large mass of unfamiliar faces that swamped past me.  
"Reach out for me, Ryuichi!" the voice commanded lovingly. "You can do it!"  
"But where are you?" I doubted aloud. "I can't see you."  
"I've always been here. You're not trying hard enough."   
"What?! I've been trying to catch you for years and you tell me I don't try?!"  
"Yes, that's it, Ryuichi," the voice answered me. Then, it whispered through the crowd of people, "Just focus on finding me. Forget about looking at everyone else. Listen to me with your heart open. Don't look for me with your eyes. Look for me with your heart."  
For a few minutes, I almost gave up, but then, the scene of people rushing by me began to become silent.   
My hand shot out towards the front direction.  
  
In a glance, I saw those dark eyes...  
...those beautiful, dark eyes that begged me to look for them, but I still couldn't see if it was a boy or a girl.  
Maybe's it's my dream girl...?  
  
"Look for me with your heart, Ryuichi." The voice repeated. And a hand appeared before me. "Touch me, Ryuichi."  
As I reached out, I shouted with a smile of relief to catch that person I had looked for all these years. "Don't ever leave me again!"  
"From now on, I won't."  
  
"You won't?" I looked around the unfamiliar room and remembered where I was.  
Finding myself in Touma's private bar, I sat next to him.  
Taking up his small glass and rotating it a bit for the ice to settle, Touma looked at me. "How was your nap?"  
'Terrible' I had wanted to say because I had lost her again. But I smiled and nodded happily. "Fine."  
When he handed me a drink, I looked at it as if I wanted to get drunk...on purpose.  
But as I took two drinks, a crowd of people came inside. It was Bad Luck and some people I didn't know.  
Just looking at them through the sides of my eyes, I continued to drink as Touma said, "Are? Tatsuha-kun also has come?"  
A young boy then came up to the side of me and started to introduce himself as Tatsuha, a fan of mine.  
  
That voice...!  
  
When I slowly turned around to face him, I tried my best not to look so shocked and believe me, that took lots of effort.  
  
Was I dreaming again?  
  
Without effort, I began to act like a high-school kid and blushed like crazy even making the mistake of calling him Shuichi.  
  
My shaking hand wanted to touch his face.   
  
I want to know you.   
I want to know all about you.  
Who are you Tatsuha-kun?  
Why am I melting into you?  
  
But I acted 'normally' for my character. In frustration, I cutely through my bunny at him. Then, as he was leaning forward a little, I caught him.  
Looking at his profile and being so close to his warm body, I began to blush again. Embarrassed, I didn't know what to say.  
  
I want to touch you...  
You are really in front of me...  
Where have you been all these years?  
You, the one with the beautiful eyes in my dreams...  
I was losing all hope in finding you...  
...when you finally appeared in front of me.  
  
It's more than turning red in embarrassment...  
It's losing my voice because my head is thinking much faster than the words to be expressed aloud...  
  
There is so much I want to tell you, Tatsuha...  
I wish I could hold you much closer than this. I want to cry on your shoulder and tell you of my loneliness. I wandered far and wide just to get a glimpse of you.  
  
For fifteen years... I want to tell you that I've been searching for you for fifteen years...  
  
...hanging by a moment waiting for you.  
  
--  
Author's note: *shakes head* I just love Ryuichi more with this... 


End file.
